NAIT Awareness FACTS

 It's NAIT awareness day! ❤️💛 NAIT stands for Neonatal Alloimnune Thrombocytopenia. It's a rare genetic blood disorder that negatively affects the platelets of the fetus during pregnancy.  

I've been blessed with 5 beautiful, healthy girls, who overcame the odds and beat NAIT. Most people (including myself) have never even heard of it & I hope through my pregnancies and blog I was able to educate and provide some awareness. I'll be posting facts about our journey, NAIT, and our little miracle girls! #naitbabies #naitmomma #miracles #ibreedfighters

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https://nhsbtdbe.blob.core.windows.net/umbraco-assets-corp/16662/1920-0184-inf28321-platelet-antigens-and-antibodies-in-pregnancy.pdf?fbclid=IwAR0TUXZqv3V2wNaUYarjv7uMXP5ZKb_NkUv-uTDjU1pzP2Edb4HfnTlwj24

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NAIT fact 1: 

A quick explanation of NAIT 💛❤️

Everyone is born with a platelet type.  A mother and father with differing HPA types (human platelet antigen--like a blood type, but more specific) get pregnant (in our case, I have HPA-1b/b (rare) and Aaron is HPA-1a/a (common) and then the baby inherits one antigen type from each parent (our kids are all HPA-1a/b).  👨‍👩‍👧

 

The mother's immune system then recognizes the antigen inherited from dad as a foreign body and begins to attack the baby’s platelets by creating antibodies, resulting in dangerously low platelet counts. This can lead to intracranial hemorrhage, stroke, bruising, petechiae and even death. 💔

So even as compatible as Aaron and I are, our platelets are and have always been incompatible — resulting in NAIT. ❤️❤️‍🩹

#naitbabies #naitmomma #ibreedfighters

http://www.bloodjournal.org/content/113/16/3838?sso-checked=true

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❤️💛NAIT fact 2: 

Treatment for NAIT moms is weekly or twice weekly IVIG throughout pregnancy. IVIG stands for intravenous immunoglobulin. Side effects for the mother are harsh can be debilitating, and can last for 24-72 hours after treatment. 

Medical professionals are not really sure why IVIG works, but the thought is that it may suppress the mother’s antibody production and/or reduce the transfer of those antibodies through the placenta.

One bag of IVIG is made from thousands of plasma donors.  Many NAIT babies (like Isabelle) will need platelets at birth along with IVIG. Some NAIT babies (like Mackenzie, Hazel, Zoey & Jasmine) even need platelet infusions in utero. Matched platelets work the best for NAIT babies, but are hard to find. 

If you want to help, please consider donating plasma and/or platelets whenever you can!! Both have extremely short shelf lives and are always needed!!

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❤️💛NAIT fact 3: 

My weekly IVIG treatments cost about $20,000 per treatment and $30,000 when doubled at the end of the pregnancies. My pregnancies with Mackenzie, Hazel, Zoey & Jazz cost over half a million dollars each, and that was not counting their bi-weekly brain scans OR their fetal blood sampling OR their births OR their stays in the NICU. 

Luckily our insurance covered most expenses but we still owed lots of $$$ to have these life saving treatments. Not all fellow NAIT moms in the USA are so fortunate. Many insurance companies will fight to say that treatment is considered experimental, or unnecessary and these already stressed out moms have to fight to get coverage and approval. 

Without treatment, NAIT will likely be worse with each subsequent pregnancy. The body tends to 'forget' about NAIT in between pregnancies (the antibodies die off) but when the mother gets pregnant again, those antibodies kick in much faster (kind of like muscle memory). That means these antibodies will attack the antigens of the baby sooner and more rapidly resulting in lower platelets and high risk of bleeding and death.  

I’m always in awe of our little superheroes and how incredibly strong and resilient they had to be before they were even born!

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❤️💛NAIT fact 4: 

One of the scariest parts about NAIT is that you don’t know you have it until your baby is born—covered in bruises, or has a brain bleed, or passes away. In fact, most women experience a very "normal pregnancy" and don't find out about NAIT until after delivery, as we did with Izzie.  

Izzie had petechia and bruising at birth which we were originally told was birth trauma from how quickly she came into the world. However, when they took her for her first immunization, she bruised excessively. That prompted a blood test, and it showed that she had extremely low platelets. 

Almost scarier was the fact that we got so lucky. Originally the options presented to us for what could be going on with Izzie were: cancer, an infection or unknown. Here is where the luck (or divine intervention) comes in… the hospital where she was born had an amazing neonatologist who had read *ONE* article about NAIT in her 20+ years practicing and wanted to explore that as an alternative diagnosis.  She consulted a hematologist who recommended she give Izzie platelets and IVIG to keep her platelet count up. This combo saved our girl’s life. 

When we decided to have more children, we found *ONE* OB/GYN in our area that had experience with NAIT.  Every time we went to appointments, or to the hospital for treatments or procedures—we saw it as an opportunity for more medical professionals to have an experience with NAIT.  While sometimes we felt like walking experiments, it was comforting knowing we may make it easier on the next family to experience NAIT.

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❤️💛NAIT fact 5: 

A normal platelet count in a newborn is 150,000-400,000. Anything below 50,000 is considered extremely risky and could result in a bleed. 

❤️💛Izzie had a count of 10,000 platelets. Mackenzie had a count of 5,000 platelets even with treatment. 

❤️💛We doubled treatment for my other 2 pregnancies and their platelets still fell below the normal range. Hazel was born with 75,000 platelets, and Zoey and Jasmine had around 100,000 platelets. 

Regardless of platelet counts, my treated pregnancies were considered successful because they did not have any brain bleeds or hemorrhages. However, my births were not without complications that had connections to NAIT. 

I had a placenta abruption with Mackenzie that was seemingly because my placenta started shredding due to our fetal blood sampling.  I lost an extreme amount of blood and Mackenzie swallowed a lot of my blood. Because of my platelet typing and the amount of antibodies that were in my system, they decided not to give me a blood transfusion and to keep an eye on my blood counts. This is also how I found out that I should not ever receive whole blood transfusions.

Jasmine experienced a hypoxic event at birth that shut down her brain, kidneys and liver. Her brain showed signs of bleeding, and we were told that the bleeding may have been worse than expected due to her platelet count and my remaining antibodies.  She went into DIC and her platelets were depleted once again. Jazz fought hard in so many ways and we are so proud of her continual progress at every milestone along the way! 

As a NAIT momma, it was devastating to feel I did everything I could to protect them, but the still had low platelets, and we still had complications during their births. They are healthy & thriving now— something I thank God, their doctors & modern medicine for every day.

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❤️💛Final NAIT facts:

No country in the world currently offers prenatal testing for NAIT. Testing is a simple blood test & rarer diseases/disorders are screened for in early pregnancy. 💉🤰

Because of its rarity, there is very little research done on NAIT. Naitbabies (naitbabies.org) is the only organization in the world for NAIT awareness and is based in England. NAIT moms are the biggest advocates in this organization. We advocate for prenatal testing and better treatment options. We advocate for training and awareness for medical professionals and we advocate for our strong, amazing little fighters, our NAIT babies.

In exciting news…. Over the past few years, Rallybio in Connecticut has been developing a prophylactic treatment against NAIT. Their treatment can only be made from blood plasma donated by women who have previously had a pregnancy affected by NAIT. I donated as did many other NAIT moms, and their project has announced positive preliminary results with their monoclonal antibody treatment for the prevention NAIT.  If all continues to go well, it would mean that expecting NAIT moms could get one weekly shot (maybe less) to prevent antibody production versus 8 hour weekly IVIG infusions. 

Thanks for reading and learning with us!! ❤️❤️❤️ We've been very lucky to have such a wonderful support system. We feel so grateful to have been blessed with 5 beautiful, healthy girls who kicked NAIT's butt!! I'm amazed by them everyday... They are my heroes. And through it all, as hard as it has been, I’m very proud to be a NAIT Momma.

❤️💛

#naitmomma #naitbabies #naitfamily

Daydreaming of 6 Months!

When the babies were born on May 18th, both of them were admitted to the Johns Hopkins NICU.  We were able to visit them while I was still confined to a hospital bed due to my high blood pressure, but not allowed to hold them and barely allowed to touch them. They both looked as though they were clinging to life and we knew so little about what was going on at that point. I just knew that my precious little babies, that I made from scratch had IV’s, wires and tubes coming out of every part of their tiny fragile bodies.

We went there everyday and were told terrifying things, like “Jasmine has brain damage and we are monitoring her for seizures” and “Zoey just can’t breathe on her own and is having episodes of apnea often.” And even more, “Jasmine in in DIC and has a heart defect,” and “Zoey has a mass on her adrenal gland.” And worst of all was all of the “We don’t know” answers we often received, especially in regard to Jasmine’s DIC and brain bleed. 

I remember telling Aaron that when I was feeling overwhelmed with all that the girls were going through, I would think of them at 6 months old... happy, healthy and thriving. I’m never one to wish away time,  but I found myself doing it often while they were in the NICU. Looking at their precious little faces, holding their tiny hands and wishing it was tomorrow already, that we could go home already. And every time we received bad news or they told us the girls had a setback and were further from going home, I found myself daydreaming of them at 6 months old. Happy, healthy, thriving and far away from this place.

After an anxiety-filled nearly one month stay at Hopkins and a week long stay at AAMC, the girls were able to come home! It was relieving and exciting but also scary and lonely with the Covid pandemic still raging. No one could visit, or hold them or take the big girls somewhere for a break. And I was terrified that out of the small amount of people we did see, someone would give my family or my tiny babies this ugly virus.  That we’d be separated or wind up back in the hospital, especially because they were still so medically fragile. I found myself again daydreaming of my beautiful girls at 6 months old. I was getting maybe 2 hours of interrupted sleep at night, struggling with my own health and well being and wishing for 6 months with all my heart. “If we can just make it to 6 months, everything will be different. Everything will be easier,” I would say to myself.  They would be happy, healthy, thriving and far away from this pandemic. 

Then in July, we found out that Jasmine was still very sick. Her liver was not well and a routine visit turned into a hospital admission and turned me into a blubbering mess. Rounds and rounds of tests and genetic panels and nothing was coming back conclusive. I found myself again, wishing for her to be 6 months old and for this to all be behind us. After a week long stay we were sent home with a quasi-diagnosis of a rare genetic disorder that meant a liver transplant was in her future. As we were monitoring Jasmine’s bloodwork to see if she was getting better or worse, she indeed got worse and was readmitted to Hopkins in early August. She went in for a liver biopsy and more precise genetic panels as I sat at home (one parent only Covid rules) wishing and praying for good results and again wishing away the time. Wishing to fast forward to a time where my baby would be healthy and could be at home with her sisters, with me. “6 months,” I prayed, “please let her make it to 6 months old.”

We left again with no real answer for her liver’s condition but did have some follow up bloodwork that showed she contracted the CMV virus sometime after birth, which took a toll on her poor liver that was already damaged from the hypoxia she experienced at birth. The longer we were home, the better Jasmine got. Her numbers looked better. She looked better. And by the end of September, we all felt better. And 6 months old wasn’t so far away. Happy, healthy and thriving... far away from liver panels and genetic disorders.

Fast forward to now... Zoey and Jasmine are 6 months old.  They are a half a year old?! As much as I dreamed of this milestone, I still can’t believe it’s here. This milestone means so much to me, to Aaron. These tiny little 4 pound babies are now our chubby-cheeked, not-so little 15 pound babies.  They are such a light in all of our lives and they do something new almost every day. Their smiles, giggles and belly laughs make up for all the scary, terrible things we went through with them. And sometimes when I look at their sweet little faces, I find myself wishing to freeze time, instead. Let’s just stay here for a little bit longer. Let me hear that adorable giggle again, let that sparkle in their eyes linger, allow their little fingers to hold tightly onto my shirt a little longer. 

6 months old. Happy, healthy, thriving and far away from all they’ve been through. Proving every day that they are fighters, resilient and miraculous. 

They made it.

A Fetal Blood Sampling turned C-Section

On Sunday evening, I asked Aaron to take one last picture of my belly before we had the babies.  He obliged but told me that they would be in there at least a week longer.  On Monday morning, Aaron and I headed to the hospital for our Fetal Blood Sampling. I still had a rotten feeling in the pit of my stomach that we would probably be delivering the twins that day too. So we brought our packed hospital bags, filled with snacks, clothes, toiletries and itty bitty baby clothes.  When we got there I was admitted and had to take a Covid test that gave results in 30 minutes. Aaron didn’t have to get tested which I’m assuming is because of a shortage of those particular tests. It wasn’t so bad but the waiting was a bit rough. I kept thinking about what they would even do if I was positive, but thankfully my results came back negative!

We got settled in the PACU, the twins were monitored and then they started prepping to take me back for the Fetal Blood Sampling. The protocols just changed last week & Aaron was going to be allowed to go back with me for the sampling which was just the absolute best news. He is my rock and I would have been a basket case without him. When we went into the OR, they asked Aaron to stay out so they could start an epidural for me, but then time became of the essence for the matched platelets on hand and they had to skip the epidural. That meant only local anesthetics for me and an order to stay still while they placed the needles through my stomach and into the girls.

When the procedure started, apparently Baby A was being a crazy lady and was extremely active. Due to this they had a hard time getting her with the sedative needle so they could start the process of sampling the hepatic vein in the liver for a platelet count. The procedure is so incredibly uncomfortable and hard for me and I was getting very frustrated with the time it was taking, especially knowing they had a whole other twin to sample. I was on a tilted operating table, contracting and unable to move or even breathe differently for fear of causing complications for the twins. My blood pressure was very high and they were doing their best to bring it down.  Aaron talked me through what they were doing throughout the procedure because I couldn’t see but also because I was crying throughout the procedure due to pain and feeling out of control. I had another nurse who was assigned to me on the other side and she was very kind and sweet to me even though I repeatedly tried to move my arm away from her to touch my belly and give it some relief from hanging sideways on the operating table. After about 2 hours of both of my doctors trying and going back and forth, they finally sampled the vein and Baby A’s platelets were 95,000– which is pretty decent but still needed an infusion of platelets. They had no good way to get to Baby B’s hepatic vein and the time for using the platelets was running out.  They decided to sample Baby B’s blood through her umbilical cord. Baby B’s platelets were 117,000 and while that’s close to normal, she was still infused with the matched platelets.

I was wheeled to recovery and while there, they were having a hard time getting both girls on the monitor due to my frequent contractions.  My blood pressure was still sky high, my platelets were extremely low and so the doctors met as a team and decided that due to fetal stress and my new diagnosis of preeclampsia, that they needed to do a stat C-section.  I got prepped and got my epidural for my spinal block, while Aaron waited outside of the OR. I kept asking for him and eventually they allowed him back in as they were already cutting into me.  He kept me calm, we were talking about what the girls would look like and hoping we would know which was Baby A and which was Baby B and they wouldn't get them switched up.  The two baby teams got their beds ready and made sure all the equipment was in place for the girls.  Everything and everyone was pretty calm... and then suddenly things changed.

Baby A came out first and she cried pretty much instantly and we watched from afar as they poked and prodded her.  Everything seemed okay but she stopped crying and they were smacking her hands and feet trying to get her to liven up a bit which was scaring us.  Baby B came out next. She wasn't crying, she wasn't breathing and she was purple in color.  We could barely see her through all the doctor's surrounding her and I began to panic and cry.  I was asking, "Is she alive? Is she dead? Please tell me if she's alive!"  I asked Aaron to stand up and go over so he could see what was going on as I obviously couldn't.  He stood up and said that he thought he saw her moving.  He went over and he was able to cut the umbilical cords on both of them.  At the same time, the doctors were cutting my tubes out and I was crying hysterically, asking everyone what was happening.  Aaron came back over to tell me that they were both alive and being worked on. He wasn't allowed to hold them and doctors brought them over to me while I was still strapped down to let me get a picture with them.  I was able to kiss Baby A on the cheek but I couldn't get close enough to Baby B and after the picture, they whisked them both away.

I continued to cry throughout the rest of my surgery, which took longer than expected because I was hemorrhaging and losing a lot of blood. Aaron held my hand until the surgery was over and we just sat there with our heads together as he reassured me that it would all be okay. The next couple hours were a blur, we were sent back to recovery and my blood pressure was still uncontrollable and they transferred me to Labor & Delivery to receive a magnesium drip to help combat it.  The side effects were pretty awful and flu-like and I had to be on it for 24 hours.  I was tested every hour to make sure I wasn’t going to have a seizure and that my reflexes were working.  I was able to be wheeled to the NICU in my hospital bed to see the girls and get some kind of update.  They were pretty bad off and while it was reassuring to see them, it was also awful to feel like I couldn't do anything for them.  I was wheeled back to my room and while receiving the magnesium and waiting for the spinal to wear off, I laid in the bed just feeling so upset and out of control of my life. I felt like my body failed me and feelings of guilt about the delivery were consuming me.

 My nurse, Sara, was the best nurse in the world and she was so helpful and willing to do pretty much anything to help me feel better.  She was funny and warm and really wanted to help Aaron and I through this. She is also a twin and told me she would send healing twin vibes to the girls.  I started pumping with the help of Sara and Aaron was taking my colostrum over to the NICU every few hours.  He spent time there trying to get updates about the girls but there were a lot of uncertainties  and a lot of doctor's saying "we don't know yet.".  Over the next few days we were transferred to the postpartum wing and I think I got maybe 30-40 minutes of sleep at a time.  My blood pressure was so high that I was being checked on constantly and in between getting checked on, I went to see the girls in the NICU or pumped.  My bloodwork showed the signs of my hemorrhage with low hematocrit, red blood cells and hemoglobin which contributed to my postpartum anemia.  I don't think I have ever been so exhausted in my life.  I wasn't sleeping or eating and my anxiety was at an all time high.  I ended up being readmitted to the Labor & Delivery ward to get IV meds for my blood pressure and try to figure out a regimen that would work for me.  I spent the night there with my favorite nurse, Sara, and she made sure I was left alone to get some sleep.  I was sent back over to the postpartum wing with a new blood pressure medicine and orders to sleep and eat!

The twins have been making progress in the NICU, but Baby B is much worse off than Baby A.  It's really devastating to watch one twin make strides toward normalcy and watch the other struggle.  You want to be happy for the good news but you can't help but be upset about the other news.  The worst part is that for the first few days, they just kept saying that Baby B was "very sick," but couldn't tell us why.  The doctors and nurses were doing everything they could to keep her stable but the lack of answers was not only anxiety-inducing, it was often infuriating.  One thing we did know is that both of the girls are feisty as hell.  They are definitely working hard and fighting for their lives and that makes us feel so proud and reassured. We are happy that they are currently stable and the doctors have figured out how to support both of the girls in the best way possible for them.  It's going to be a long road, but we feel confident that it will lead to a beautiful destination.  Please keep our baby girls in your prayers and know that when we feel comfortable updating you in more detail about their health and well-being, we will. Thank you all for your love and support. ❤️

Introducing the Wright twins:

Jasmine Rose Wright (Baby B) & Zoey Jade Wright (Baby A)

All the Worries in the World... and then a Pandemic

It’s no secret. I’m a worrier. I’m an anxious person and most of the time I would consider myself to have high-functioning anxiety.  Being pregnant is already a very worrisome time for most women. You worry if they’re healthy, about how many times they’ve kicked today. You worry about what you eat, especially if all you’re craving is sweets or things with too much salt. Am I exercising enough? Am I exercising too much? Is it normal to feel like this? What is happening to my boobs?? So. Many. Worries.

Being a NAIT mom just adds to list of worries in a very scary way. Are they alive? Are they bleeding? Am I killing them slowly or are they strong enough to fight me off? Is treatment working to prevent bleeds? Being a NAIT mom of twins is similar, except the little information that they have on singleton NAIT pregnancies is cut down to literally nothing for twin NAIT pregnancies. Ask a question, any question to a world renowned doctor about NAIT twins and their answer is almost always, “We don’t know.” Super reassuring in case you were wondering.

Besides all of these worries that I’ve been carrying on my back since I found out we were pregnant, there just so happens to be a worldwide pandemic happening as well. Since our state was declared in a State of Emergency, restrictions have gotten tougher across the board. Being forced into quarantine and extreme social distancing is absolutely necessary and vital to kick this pandemic’s ass and stay healthy. However, being pregnant, it has been both a blessing some days and a curse on other days. I am enjoying being able to lay in my bed longer in the morning, pee whenever I want and spend quality time with my big girls. Another bonus, I don’t have to wear a bra all day and I can live in leggings or pajama pants.

On the flip side, it has been very lonely. This is my last pregnancy and I dreamed of all of the things I would do, how I would capture it and celebrate this final chapter of this part of my life. Obviously most of the social things I wanted to do, I really can’t.  My own mother can’t come see me and if she does, she can’t touch my belly when I feel a big kick or hug me when I’m feeling defeated. My pregnant friends can’t commiserate with me and we can’t have pregnant girls nights like I imagined when I found out we were all pregnant together. I don’t get to see my co-workers and my students and receive that extra special attention that only pregnant ladies get. My brothers and my Dad haven’t seen me in person in weeks and I haven’t been able to share any of my pregnancy with my sister-in-laws either. My sweet grandmother and my extended family can’t celebrate with me or come to a baby sprinkle.  All of these things may seem trivial and in the grand scheme of things, yes they are... but that doesn’t really make me feel any better. This is my last pregnancy and my last chance to share it with my loved ones, and I can’t. That feeling sucks. It’s something I think about often. I also think about how devastating it could be if I caught the virus... not only for me, but for Aaron, the girls and the twins. The worries literally never stop.

Aaron has been working nonstop trying to get his house flips finished with little to no workers due to essential worker restrictions, leaving me to chase, or should I say waddle, after these crazy ladies I live with by myself. There are some days that by noon, I’m done. My back hurts, my Braxton Hicks are out of control and I just want to cry. And there are other days that I’m so incredibly happy and fulfilled getting to stay home with them every day. I’ll never get these days back and I’m especially grateful for my time with Izzie who would normally be at school. I’m loving all the extra kisses, hugs, snuggles and giggles, especially because life is about to change for them in a big way. My biggest challenge is juggling my responsibilities as a teacher with my responsibilities to my family and honestly some days I feel like I’m failing at both. I’m required to teach live on Zoom 5 days a week, have virtual office hours, collaborative planning meetings and prep for the following day. Then I also help Izzie with her school work, take care of the house and try to get nesting type things ready for the twins. I also do my best to make sure the little girls feel paid attention to and involved as well. It’s a lot. And I can handle it. But it’s a lot.

I think the thing that has been giving me the most anxiety and making me the most upset is thinking about my Fetal Blood Sampling and my delivery. At my last baby appointment, Aaron was not allowed to accompany me due to the strict Covid visiting rules. My appointments are at the hospital and I was freaking out about someone breathing on me or touching me. My sister-in-law, Jules secured me a mask and I brought gloves and sanitizer. It was so eerie. The hospital that I’m used to visiting was not there. The hustle and bustle of nurses, doctors and patients was non-existent. I went through multiple “security screenings” before I could get to my appointments and the waiting rooms had been spread out so that you weren’t able to sit next to anyone. It was weird. During my sonogram, I was told I may be able to FaceTime Aaron but my tech said no. I said I understood and then tears rolled down my face as she began the sonogram and I saw the twins little faces. I know some women always go to appointments by themselves, but I don’t. Aaron always comes and would never miss a sonogram. This is our last pregnancy and he was pretty devastated that he couldn’t come or even be involved.  It was still amazing to see our babies, ensure that they were healthy and get confirmation there were no bleeds, but it was also just... different.... lonely.

When I met with my doctors, that’s when I lost it. I asked about my Fetal Blood Sampling and my C-section dates. We talked about it and when I asked about Aaron coming into the operating room with me, I was met with shaky eye contact and “Sorry, no.” When I inquired as to why, I was told if I was delivering vaginally, Aaron could be there but since it was a C-section in an OR, he couldn’t be by my side.  I was a blubbering mess and I was having a hard time keeping it together. I asked how that was fair, explaining that a c-section for me isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity and the only answer I got was that they couldn’t waste any PPE on him due to nationwide shortages. I could tell my doctors felt awful having this conversation with me. I asked if I secured the PPE for him if he’d be able to be with me and see his last babies being born. The answer was “I don’t know.” My babies will most likely go to the NICU for monitoring after delivery and because I’m getting my tubes tied, I was told they would help me look at them but I wouldn’t be able to hold them until I met them in the NICU.  Aaron wouldn’t be there to hold them next to me and we wouldn’t share that moment together. It would be a stranger to hold them first and I would get a glimpse.  As I tried to hold it together, I prayed that maybe things would change by then... and I dreaded talking to Aaron about it.

When I left my appointment, I met Aaron in the pick-up loop and as soon as I got into the car, I lost it again. Through my unintelligible blubbering, Aaron was reassuring me that whatever happened it would be okay, but he was also very upset. Seeing him upset just made me even more sad and honestly, mad.  It may seem dramatic, especially with the way the world is right now, but it felt like we were being robbed of our last delivery, of the moments that follow. The ones you remember always.  We wouldn’t be together and we would possibly have to meet them separately in the NICU. We both pray and hope that this is not the way it will go when the time comes and we continue to try to stay positive.

A good friend of mine told me something that has resonated with me and I’ve thought about it a lot. She said, “I hope you let yourself mourn the expectation of what you thought your birth experience would be. Don’t let anyone tell you some bright side BS.”  So, I’m going to put this out to all of my pregnant friends. Yes, the world has big problems right now. You might feel selfish for being upset about missing out on “normal” pregnancy things, but you shouldn’t. You are allowed to mourn what you imagined your pregnancy or birth to be. You’ll never get these moments back. Should you feel grateful for your health and your family’s health? Yes. Should you feel blessed to have a home and all the comforts that come along with it to quarantine in? Yes. Should you feel guilty for wishing it was different? No. You are allowed to have sad, mad or unidentifiable feelings about your situation without taking away from the seriousness of this pandemic. But know this; you are strong. You are making a human from scratch, and even if you feel like it, you are not alone. I am with you. We can do this.

My Fetal Blood Sample is scheduled for Monday, May 18th & my C-section during the week following that. I will keep those interested updated. As always, thank you for supporting our family, especially now. Sending you our love.❤️