Worth it!

It's been 6 months since my last post, which means Mackenzie is 6 months old!!!  I really cannot believe how fast time has flown by.  I feel as though I blinked and she was a half a year old.  She is super happy and healthy as can be--no platelet issues or anything else major.  She is growing like crazy and I swear she does something new everyday.  She loves to growl and scream.  She loves people, especially her big sister Isabelle.  She loves to laugh and explore, and Aaron and I love to watch her curiosity and development.  Her smile can light up any room and her giggle is amazing.  When she looks at me with her big, beautiful eyes I feel the purest love deep down into my soul.  Aaron and I are so happy and feel extremely blessed to have 2 wonderful little girls to call our own.

 

A little while back I saw a little baby coverall that simply said "Worth it." I looked at it for a few minutes and thought about my experiences with Isabelle and more recently with Mackenzie.  I've been asked this innocent rhetorical question by more than a few people, but it was a question that stirred me up inside.  They'd ask, "It was worth it, right?" Or "At least it was worth it?" Or the more direct people simply ask, "Was it worth it?" It came in different forms, but everyone meant the same thing... Was SHE worth it? Was my beautiful, healthy baby girl worth it? It seems like such a silly thing to even ask. And I'm not even sure if the people who've asked had thought about the implication.  So, the question is, was she worth it? A resounding "Yes." No matter what, happened, YES! I can't even imagine my life without this gorgeous little nugget!

The more people mentioned it to me, the more I thought about just how "worth it" it was to bring this miracle into the world. But it also made me think, that while I had a difficult pregnancy with a rare disorder, we had really been so blessed. Mackenzie survived and thrived despite the odds against her.  I thought about how every pregnancy brings its own challenges, and at the end of the day, those challenges ARE worth it, because you get to bring home that tiny human who gives you amnesia about all the hard stuff you had to endure before they arrived. Then I thought about the women who don't bring their babies home. How incredibly hard, heartbreaking, and indescribable that must be. I wondered what those women would say.  I know my pregnancy isn't the worst case scenario, but it was my scenario, and my struggle and I can only comment on my experience.  Thinking about all of this, I began to feel even more blessed and more compelled to cherish both of my girls. Which also led me to buy that "Worth it" coverall and write this to you on your half-birthday, Mackenzie Michelle. My miracle girl, my sunshine, my baby.

 

Mackenzie wearing that coverall, surrounded by my treatment IVs.

 

You are more than worth it, my dear. Every needle prick. Every IV. Every blood draw. Every infusion. Every. Single. One. (There were a lot). Every collapsed vein. Every headache. Every nauseous moment. Every fatigued muscle and every single sleepless night. The terrifying memories of delivery--worth it. The scar on my belly, that I've just recently come to terms with--worth it. You, you beautiful tiny soul, you were worth it all. I would do it all over again, a thousand times just to see your smile. I'd have 100 more infusions just to hear your belly laugh. I'd cut open my flesh again and again just to hold you close and feel your tiny little fingers wrap around mine. I would do anything for you. 



And another, because look at that face!

 

You're already growing so fast. One day you'll no longer be a baby. One day you'll be a little girl, a teenager, an adult, a wife, a mom-- if that's what you choose. And your future is also what makes it worth it. It's worth it to see you grow, to see you live and love, and be the amazing person I know you'll be.  I'm so excited for your life.  I'm so excited to see it all unfold.  I hope we will always share the special bond that we have now.  I'll always be here for you, encouraging you and loving you. 

 

 

So baby girl, please always remember you were worth it all. And that you ARE worthy. Worthy of everything good that life has to offer. You can do anything, be anything, accomplish anything. You are truly one of God's miracles. Thank you so much for being mine. You've taught me how strong I can be, and I hope you always remember just how strong and special you are.  I love you beyond words, beyond limits, beyond time. 
 

Happy 6 months.  Your life is just beginning.  Let's make every moment worth it.

Love,

Momma❤️